How to Create Healthy Heart Boundaries
Learn how to create healthy boundaries in your relationships.
Sometimes we feel as though in order to love, we must give our whole heart to every person in our lives. The truth is that granting full access to our heart to everyone is really not loving, healthy, or wise. What healthy boundaries do is help us to keep the bad out and to let the good in.
We know that God has called all of us to love unconditionally. When we can determine boundaries in our heart, we will actually be able to do this in a healthy way.
I want to give you some questions that you can ask to help you to create these boundaries in the relationships in your life. The more you can say “yes” to these things, you know that you can allow more heart access to those individuals. The more “no’s” a person has on this list, the less access they should be given. This is creating proper space in your heart based upon the level of health in the relationship. This means that you can love all unconditionally while still fostering the powerful ability to “guard your heart” and maintain a life of internal health.
- Do they avoid emotionalism, drama, gossip, and criticism?
Honestly, if someone is gossiping to you about someone else, it is more than likely that they would also gossip about you to others.
- Do they honestly and authentically value you?
- Do you trust them to protect your heart?
- Do they both give to you and receive from you.
Is there an exchange of life in this relationship? Are we building one another and supporting one another?
- Do they have pure motives and unselfish agendas?
- Do they ask for forgiveness and do they forgive quickly?
Relationships where we are quick to repent and forgive bring us safety because we can be confident that when we make a mistake, we can mend and move forward and vice versa.
- Do they love you without title, position, or what they can get from you?
This is a relationship where there isn’t usury and hidden agendas, and we aren’t being taken advantage of just for what we can give.
- Do they celebrate your success without competition or rivalry?
- Do they share their hearts and listen to yours without judgement?
- Do they focus on their own self-control or on controlling you?
- Do they possess character, integrity, and avoid toxic behaviors?
- Do they treat you and others with respect and honor?
All of these things are so important because as the Bible says in Proverbs 4:23,
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (NLT)
Father, I pray for each one and I ask that you give them wisdom in every relationship in their life so that they can fully love, unconditionally. In Jesus’ Name.
Dr. Melodye Hilton works with individuals and workgroups around the globe as a leadership consultant, behavioral analyst, and personal coach. Her recognition extends over all ages, socio-economic, and educational backgrounds through her work in corporate and local business, government, and public and private educational sectors.
She, alongside her husband, pioneered Giving Light Christian Fellowship in Elizabethville, PA. Over 35 years later, they continue to see God’s hand at work within the vision to “equip all ages to discover destiny and activate purpose for local and global Kingdom impact.” Dr. Melodye is ordained and under the oversight of Christian International Apostolic Network (CIAN) founded by Bishop Bill Hamon. She and her husband, Steven, serve on the board of governors to Christian International.
In 2002, she founded International Training Center, which continues to expand with a passion to equip and empower emerging and established leaders. In addition, she has established the Voice of Justice Foundation to be a voice of hope, hands of rescue, and an instrument of justice on behalf of the neglected, abused, or shamed. Dr. Melodye travels nationally and internationally ministering, training, consulting, and coaching. She has two grown children and three active grandchildren.